What Your Banker Never Told You - How to Improve Your Credit

Is your bank taking advantage of you? Most of us go to the bank at least twice a month for one reason or another. If someone were to ask you today, "What is your banker's name?", what would you say? Would you stare at them, dumbfounded? Too many people are utilizing the banks convenience services (direct deposit, savings accounts, automatic bill pay), but not taking advantage of all of the benefits that are offered through their financial institution.

As a formerly licensed banker at one of the world's largest banks, I will tell you that I discovered the injustice that occurs in America's banking system firsthand. The bank gains accounts and makes money off of service charges, insufficient funds fees, and more, but very few of their most loyal customers enjoy the most basic benefits that should be offered readily.

If you have a bank account, you should have a personal banker.

There should be someone that you speak to and are on a first-name basis with, in the branch that you frequent the most. This person should know you, your business/employer, your family, and your future plans. That is the only way that they will be able to help you when you need it. Your bank shouldn't be some huge, faceless institution that has no personality. Go into your bank this week and choose your own personal banker today! Most bankers would love to have their clients come in and request a meeting. It's a chore to try to get people to come into the bank nowadays, with online banking and drive-thru's being the main way that people handle their finances.

Make sure your banker is someone you feel comfortable with.

Since you will be revealing a lot about yourself and your family to this person, make sure it is someone that you feel comfortable with. He or she should be someone you can easily relate to, and someone that you know will not judge you when you hit those financial rough spots. A good banker can be your closest friend during those timesof need.

Don't think that you have to be rich to talk to your banker.

Your banker has tons of helpful tips and tricks to help you. Even if you are living paycheck to paycheck, you will be surprised at how much your banker can save you. There are easy things that you can do to improve your credit, and only your banker knows! In our new book, "What Your Banker NEVER Told You!", we reveal simple ways to improve your credit.

There is no reason why your bank should be taking all of your deposits and not helping to better your life. Think about all of the money you are entrusting your bank to manage for you. Use your banker to his or her fullest, and get started on the road to financial happiness today!

Full Disclosure: Honesty and Communication in Relationships

We've all told our partner that we wanted them to be honest and upfront with us. We encourage our loved one to open up to us and reveal all of their innermost thoughts without fear of judgement. I think that at times, we don't realize what sort of Pandora's Box we may be opening up when we ask for this 'full disclosure' from our mates. Feelings of hurt, disgust, disappointment, and even anger can erupt, and once it's been said, it can't be taken back.

Are there certain things that you have kept from your love interest? Would you ever think about revealing all of your past indiscretions to the one that you care about the most? If your partner were to tell you something that you found dispicable or distasteful, would you be able to process the revelation without punishing them for their past mistakes?

We have to be able to look at ourselves honestly and think about what we are willing to deal with in our relationships. Do we really need to know everything about the one we have given our heart to? Maybe we are better left in the dark about certain things. All of us have done things in our past that we aren't proud of. If we could snoop around in everyone's closets and dig up all of those dusty skeletons, we'd probably be shocked at all of the dirt we could find on each other! Why would we want to do that? Mistakes are made in our lives in order to help us learn and grow. We improve and excel above those mistakes, so why should we be made to expose them and have our faces rubbed in the mess we've made?

Take care when you are thinking about telling your love interest about all of your past experiences. You never know how they will react to your revelations. Also, if your partner tells you something that disappoints you, focus on the fact that they were secure enough in your relationship to tell you this embarrassing fact. Is your love strong enough to endure the negative feelings that their confession has caused within you? Full disclosure is a tricky subject. There may be some things that are better left unsaid.

Be Sexy in Any Weight Class!

I can't even express to you how upset it makes me when a friend of mine tells me that she doesn't feel "pretty" enough to do something. It makes me shudder and want to cry at the same time. Boyfriends, husbands, society, and even other women have made these ladies feel inadequate and ashamed of who they are and what they have to flaunt!

I once had a friend who complimented me on my blouse, telling me, "I love this kind of stuff, but my arms are way too fat to wear sleeveless shirts. It looks so good on you!" Mind you, this woman was far skinnier than I was, and she wasn't being sarcastic or insulting to me. She honestly admired the shirt on me, but could never see herself wearing it because of her own (much more toned) upper arms! There are many women who, to this day, will wear uncomfortable shirts when it is sweltering hot outside all because they cannot picture themselves revealing their arms in a sleeveless shirt or tank top. I should know.

I used to be one of them.

Recently, I was asked to be a featured performer at a Romance Cafe Party held here in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The party was a sensually-themed one, and everyone was dressed very erotically. I performed some of my "special" Spoken Word pieces that evening, and you can see my performance garb above. I received more compliments than you can imagine on my outfit, and I felt so sexy. I am a voluptuous size 22, thank you very much! I believe that a lot of those compliments are a result of the way I carried myself and how I felt when I walked into that building. I carried my head up high and my smile shone brightly.

Unfortunately, one of my closest friends was unable to make it. When I asked her why, it was because she had "nothing to wear". She revealed to me that she had found a suitable outfit, but before she walked out the door, her boyfriend laughed at her. He told her, "Those kind of clothes are for sexy women with sexy bodies!" She was so devastated that she broke down into tears and stayed home instead of coming out and having a great time.

This message goes out to all of those women who allow societies views on what "sexy" should be dictate to them what to wear, where to go, how to act, and how to feel about themselves: No one can make you feel un-sexy but you! If I looked in the mirror every day and put myself down for being overweight, or for my nose being to flat, or for every blemish I have on my skin, I would walk around with my head hanging low and my lip poked out. No one would want to talk to me, or listen to what I had to say. It would be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it would start a vicious cycle of self-doubt.

Due to the confident way I strut my stuff, I get invitations to perform at events all over the nation. I have a lot of fun and exciting friends who are doing positive things for themselves and the community. I get out and about, and I don't let anyone stop me from LIVING OUT LOUD.

Sexy is internal - it just overflows to the outward appearance. The next time someone gives you a compliment, say, "Oh, why thank you!" instead of, "No, my hips are too big." or "Nahhh, my hair looks awful today." Being self-depricating isn't cute, it's sad. If you continue to refute the compliments, one day you will succeed in CONVINCING them that you are RIGHT! Be sexy in any weight class, and learn to love yourself. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise!

My Good and Faithful Servant - I am Disappointed by Naiomi Pitre

"You just don't get it, do You?" He smirked and sneered at me.

"I don't understand," I said, "What is it that you wanted me to be?"
Standing at the foot of the throne, seeing Jesus at God's right hand,
I was confused, mad, distraught - I've always done whatever I can
I gave to the poor, I went to church, faithfully every Sunday
I took communion, I prayed every night, I always watch whatever I say
I never listened to rap music, or other offerings from the world
I adamantly voiced my dismay when I would see a boy loving another boy or a girl loving another girl
I read my Bible religiously, and I scolded those who didn't
I watched people who were disobeying your Word, and I told them that they shouldn't
I served on the usher board, the choir, and I was church secretary
I saved myself and never even kissed until I was safely married
So how could it be, that He was looking at me, with such contempt in His Holy eyes
How could it be, that He was shaking his head at me, now that I have died?

"You just don't get it, silly girl." He laughed, shrugging his tremendous shoulders
"If only You'd been more adventurous, more daring, a little bolder -
If You'd taken what I've given You, and did what You should have
Maybe You would have a better report at the end of Your life, and You wouldn't feel so bad."

"What more could I have done?!" I cried out, "You expect too much!"

"Hush, You stupid little child, and REALLY try to listen to me for once.
I gave You opportunity to live, but instead You turned up Your nose
I wanted You to experience the world, but instead in the church doors You dove
I brought people to You, for You to love and care about
But as soon as You saw one flaw in their personality, Your mind filled with self-righteous doubt
I put a talent within You to write, but instead You kept it all inside
The beautiful, sensual words I gave You, You were ashamed and wanted to hide
I yearned for You to travel to great lands and learn about my people there
But because they didn't believe as You did, You decided that You'd be too scared
Wonderful things, I tried to show You, but Your holiness kept You away
You never challenged Yourself to think outside of the box, afraid that from Your religion You'd stray
Fear does not impress me, I'm not moved by Your blind obedience
You judged people, You hurt people, You were a stumbling block, and You DARED to use me as Your defense!
How dare You find the nerve to step to me now that Your life is done
Looking for Your crown of glory, Your mansion made for one
You think that You will find Your reward after You've disgraced me at every turn?
But have no fear, daughter dear, maybe during this next life You'll learn!"




* Author's note: When God speaks, He always capitalizes the "Y" in You. While You are so busy capitalizing His "G", He wants you to know the "Y".

Wanting More, Receiving Less

It's an epidemic - worse than the swine flu, mad cow disease, or even SARS. It's prevalent in all of America, whether you live in the poorest inner city or the richest zip code of California. This epidemic crosses all racial and cultural barriers.

Women all over the world are getting intimately involved with married men. Think about it. You either are a woman who has been with a married man at some point in your life, you know someone who has been one, or you're a man who is married and sleeping with a woman other than your wife right now!

There are many aspects of surviving an illicit affair, and you can read all about them in my new book, "He Loves Me More, Even Though He's Still Married to HER!" Notes to the Other Woman. For the purposes of this blog, I would like to address one - always wanting more but receiving less.

It's a funny thing - dating a married man. When you first begin flirting with a married man, you begin to demand more and more of his time. During the "honeymoon phase" of your relationship, you may even ask for time, money, vacations, jewelry - hell, most of the time you don't even have to ask. It's provided for you ad nauseum! Do you remember uttering the words, "Oh, you shouldn't have. You don't have to do all of this..." And what was his response? "I know I don't. I want to do this for you."

Once you've been with your stolen beau for a lengthier amount of time, the dynamics change. As you become more and more emotionally attached to this man, you begin trying to ask for more from him, but he will begin pulling further away. You see, what is happening is that you are beginning to think of him like a real boyfriend instead of a fun adventure. At the same time, he sees that you are turning this into a REAL relationship, instead of a fun adventure! He already has a real relationship - that's his wife. That was the reason he turned to you in the first place, to escape the real relationship in his life.

Therefore, as you are getting closer to him and wanting more, you are inevitably going to begin to turn him off. He will find ways to avoid you, and eventually, to get rid of you. You've become a liability instead of an asset. Not only did you forget what game you were playing, but you forgot your position, too. You don't have the right to want more from him. You agreed to this arrangement, and now you're renigging on the contract. As much as you want to hate him for it, it's you that is at fault.

If you want to to learn more about what is REALLY going on when you begin sleeping with a married man, be sure to get the book, "He Loves Me More, Even Though He's Married to HER!"

If Everybody Gets a Piece, I Think I'll Pass

You know what I have never understood? Why is it that there are some men and women who don't realize that the biggest turn-off to the opposite sex can be that you are just too damn available to anything with a pulse?

Look, if you are a good looking guy with a great sense of a humor and a nice splash of charm to boot, you might have a chance, right? But if you're flirting with me, and then I see you saunter over to the girl on the other side of the room, and you're giving her that same 100-megawatt smile you were just sharing with me - your stock has just crashed! You are no longer a hot commodity, sweetheart. There is nothing worse than being told something romantic, being made to feel wonderful, then realizing that those same words are being shared with a few other women, too.

Like I said in my title, "If everyone gets a piece, I think I'll pass!"

I want to feel special. I want to feel like there is something about me that makes you feel a certain way, and no other girl can give you that special something like I can. This isn't Flavor of Love, Rock of Love, or Real Chance of Love, and unlike all of those hyped-up VH1 reality dating shows, I am not competing against ten women for your attention. I would have been the annoying girl in the very beginning of the series who comes to her senses, realizing how idiotic it is to fight over one man, and carries her bags straight out the door, heading home.

Do you know who excites me? Do you know which man will get my attention faster than any other? That guy who I flirt with, and he is nice and cordial, but you never see him pressed up on a woman. You know, the one who has several women fawning all over him at a distance, but he stays cool in the cut - away from the crowds. He seems untouchable.

I don't want the super cool playboy who is always surrounded by giggling women, thrusting their cleavage at him, while he enjoys every second of it. I am not interested in the Don Juan who basks in the admiration of a harem of women. I've never been a very good groupie.

No, give me Mr. Untouchable any day. Give me the guy who gives me a gentle "no" the first few times, but always with a smile and a compliment. He'll get me everytime. This choosy behavior lets me know that he has standards. He doesn't jump on anything that is offered to him. If he is giving me his time, it's because I have something unique and valuable to offer.

If you are reading this, and you are that guy or that girl who always must be the center of attention, be forewarned! People who are really worth your attention are watching you and taking note of your undesirable behavior. You should be more particular about who you share your time with, and the people who share your time will be of a higher quality. Otherwise, enjoy yourself, and while you're kissing and hugging up on Mrs. Right Now, your Mrs. Right will be quietly walking right out the door.

Talking to Teens About Sex

I have a daughter who is currently eleven-years-old. She is an only child, and as I have been known to tell anyone who is interested, she has been an ideal kid ever since she was born. My pregnancy, on the other hand? Whew!!! I had morning sickness, fainting, constipation, false labor pains, and anything else you can think of throughout my whole nine months!

Once she was born, however, this little angel gave me absolutely no problems. She hardly ever cried, and she started smiling and laughing a little before her third month. If she did cry, you could be assured that by either feeding her, changing her diaper, or putting her to bed, you could immediately cure all of her problems. This baby slept through the night just a week after being brought home. I kid you not - I was in baby heaven with her.

As a kid, she was always understanding of my shortcomings (like when I got stuck in traffic on the way to her school from my job for the annual Thanksgiving Parents luncheon, not making it in time to eat with her in the second grade - I was devasted, but she was so understanding. "It's okay, Mommy, I know you wanted to be here." Awwwww), and she was always grateful for all of the things I did for her. Very rarely did I need to punish her.

My steadfast rule has always been that if she asks me any question, I will always answer it honestly and completely, no matter what that question may be. I have told her this many times. I would rather that she get her information from me than anyone else. So, at five-years-old when my precious little daughter asked me about what it meant for two men to be gay, and how did they "do it", guess what? I answered her. I told her that when two men are gay, it means they love being with other men, not women. I paused to let it sink in, and she looked at me, puzzled. Then the question about how did they "do it" came up, and I asked her how did she think a man and a woman "did it".

She said, very confidently, "They lay down in the bed, start kissing, and a man puts his pee pee inside the woman's pee pee." Remember, this is my kindergartener saying this!

I smiled, and told her, "Well, when two gay men do it, they do the same thing, but one of them puts his pee pee in the other one's booty."

Some of you may think this is way too much to be telling a five-year-old child. I would have to disagree. I first established the fact that she already knew what sex was in the first place. I also followed up by telling her that two people should not have sex until they are mature and love eachother, and the best way is to wait until after you are married.

I didn't come up to my daughter that day and just decide to tell her about gay men out of the blue. Her curiosity came from somewhere else, where she had heard the term, and she already wanted to know. That means that she is going to get the information from somewhere. I always want her to feel comfortable enough with me to be able to come and ask me these awkward questions - not get the info from one of her friends.

My motto is, "If they are old enough to ask about it, they are old enough to be told the honest truth from a parent who can help mold their view on it, as well."

At least if she asks me, she can get my views, and she can get an educated opinion. It is our goal as parents to instill our viewpoints and values in our children, right? If you constantly turn your child away, telling them that they are too young to ask that, or if you berate them for asking the questions, then you can't judge them for getting the information from someone else!
Why are parents these days afraid to talk to their children about sex? I have spoken to many of my child-raising friends about this subject, and it all comes down to a fear of their child growing up "too soon". I have a news flash for you. Children are GOING TO GROW UP, whether you want them to or not. Don't you want to be an integral part of the process for your child?

My daughter is now in the sixth grade. She and I have an amazing relationship. We spend our weekends going to the movies, out to eat, and hanging out with each other. When things happen to her at school amongst her friends or boys, she comes straight home and tells me all about it.

I know all about the crush she had on a boy from the second grade all the way until the end of the fifth, when the notion of splitting apart from him to go to two different middle schools made her come to grips with her feelings and take a chance by writing him a letter admitting her "love". She let me read it (I edited some things and helped her make it sound better, hah), and he took it from her and threw it away on the last day of school. She was devastated. She came home, told me what happened, cried in the bathtub for a couple of hours singing sad Taylor Swift songs, and moped around for a week or two. But during that couple of weeks, she told me all of her feelings. She hugged me, hanging on for dear life, while her poor little pre-teen heart broke. I slept with her a couple of nights, just so she wouldn't cry all alone.

My point is, because she has always felt comfortable with me, and she knows I won't bite her head off, she tells me a lot. Do I think she tells me EVERYTHING? No. I doubt any child will ever tell their mom everything. However, do I think she tells me more than most children tell their parents? Yes. I am sure of it.

My daughter recently started "going out with" a new boy. (The kids use the term, "going out with", to refer to being boyfriends and girlfriends in school - these eleven-year-olds aren't going anywhere!) She came home from school and said that she told her friends that she couldn't wait to get home to tell her mom all about him. Her friends asked her in disbelief, "You tell your mom about your boyfriends?" And my wonderful, straight-A honor roll, perfect attendance, Alpha, Four-H, and Science club member, daughter looked right back at them and answered, "Uhm, yeah. You mean, you don't?!" She says that she feels sorry for kids who can't talk to their moms like she can. You know what? I do, too.

Don't be afraid to talk to your kids about sex, love, relationships, and dating. They are going to grow up, with or without your guidance. Lighten up, and give them your best. These kids need us, and they need to know that they have a safe place to come and talk to someone about these things. Don't you want to be that safe place for your child?

Kangaroos and Snakes

A couple of friends of mine were discussing this topic, and I thought it deserved some attention. Have you ever known someone who always had the juiciest gossip to share with you? Do you have any friends who love to talk negatively about other people?

I tend to avoid people like that. I don't know if they believe in karma or the Law of Attraction or reaping what they sew, but I sure as hell do! I feel that if I entertain that type of negativity in my life, it creates a bad aura about me that I absolutely refuse to allow.

There is a very true quote that says, "A dog who will bring a bone will take one." This means that if there is someone coming to you with tons of horrible gossip about someone else, you better believe that they are carrying some gossip about you away to someone else! Watch what you say around someone like that, and watch what they see you do, because they are always on the lookout for something else to talk about.

I try very hard not to let negative comments about other people come out of my mouth. I get very uncomfortable around someone who constantly puts people down. The way I look at it, we are all just out here trying our best to do US, and who am I to judge anyone else? I'm sure you don't have to look very hard to find fault in me, so why should I try to focus on the imperfections in anyone else.

If I have a problem with someone, I either just stop associating with them and let them live their own life sans my friendship, or I address the issue immediately to get it straight between us. You don't have to guess how I feel about you. I am STRAIGHT UP. Why can't everyone be this way? I'd rather fight a kangaroo than a snake anyday. Kangaroos fight you straight on, face-to-face, boxing and kicking you where you can see them and defend yourself. A snake can sneak up on you, strike, and slither away on their belly before you even know it.

Why not make a vow today to only put your lips on someone if it is to motivate them, encourage them, or lift them up? If you can't say anything positive, don't even give them your attention enough to talk about them. It's a good way to live, and an even better way to keep friends!!!

Appreciate What You Have

As I was walking towards my kitchen to cook my family another bomb-ass meal, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I literally stopped in my tracks and stood transfixed, staring at my tiled countertop.

Wow. I have a freaking fantastic life!

I sat on my black leather couch and looked around my spacious living room. I took an assessment of what was going on in my life at this very moment, and I was amazed. I don't say any of this to brag, but to make everyone think for a second about your own lives. Why is it that we focus so much on negativity that we forget to appreciate all of the great things that happen to us each and every day?

I woke up this afternoon, when my daughter got home from junior high. She shows me her report card that has straight A's and a perfect attendance record. Babygirl is beaming from ear to ear, because her principal personally scrawled his own accolades on her report card to congratulate her.

After fixing her a snack, I received a call from my recently hired executive assistant, Heather, who informed me of all of the things she got accomplished while I was sleeping during the day. She has registered http://www.naiomipitre.com/, which has been a long time overdue. She updated my website with all of my new information. She contacted some of the people who are organizing interviews and events that they would like me to be a part of to get the details. Heather is helping me coordinate all of my publicity efforts, and get some organization into my life.

My husband phones me around this time to tell me that he is picking up some groceries on his way home, and ask me if I need anything. I mention a few things, and he tells me he loves me. He phones and texts me a lot during the day, just to keep in touch.

My daughter finishes her homework and starts on her chores so that she can be finished by the time I need to take her to her hour-long acting class in the evening. I realize that I am able to give her everything she desires and more (and she deserves every bit of it). She tells me about her recently acquired boyfriend, and gives me all the juicy 6th grade romantic details.

"...and so, he passed me a note, and he asked if I liked him. I said I did, a little, and he said he did, alittle, too! Then he asked me out, and I said yes, but I am so nervous because he really likes Jade and I wonder if he'll still like her once he's my boyfriend?"

I smile, thinking about the fact that I have the luxury of being here to listen to my daughter tell me about her day as soon as she comes home. I don't have any "boss" to answer to, or any place I need to be unless I feel like being there. I answer to myself, and I am responsible for my own success. I get to concentrate on what I love to do, which is writing, performing, and sharing my gifts with the world - and nothing else. I make my own schedules, not according to what someone else has decided are good hours to work, but my own. Personally, I enjoy spending time with my family when they get home from work and school. I like finally getting to work after they've enjoyed a meal that I have cooked and fallen peacefully asleep. I like seeing my husband and daughter off to school in the morning, right before I finally hit the pillow. My assistant takes over from there.

When things go wrong, it is so easy to begin to concentrate on the negative aspects of our lives. Sure, in the last year someone took advantage of my kindness and wronged me. Sure, I got into a life-threatening collision that broke a few bones and scarred me up a bit. Sure, my father recently passed away. Sure, a dear friend of mine stopped talking to me completely for no reason whatsoever. All of those things are true, and all of them are hurtful.

The thing is, in order to progress in our lives, we have to focus on the positives that will ADD to our lives, not the negatives that SUBTRACT from it. Therefore, I look at my life, and I count myself BLESSED. Thank God for watching over my family and I, and I apologize for not realizing how good I have it sooner. Every once in awhile, give yourself a reality check, and get back on track.