Be Sexy in Any Weight Class!

I can't even express to you how upset it makes me when a friend of mine tells me that she doesn't feel "pretty" enough to do something. It makes me shudder and want to cry at the same time. Boyfriends, husbands, society, and even other women have made these ladies feel inadequate and ashamed of who they are and what they have to flaunt!

I once had a friend who complimented me on my blouse, telling me, "I love this kind of stuff, but my arms are way too fat to wear sleeveless shirts. It looks so good on you!" Mind you, this woman was far skinnier than I was, and she wasn't being sarcastic or insulting to me. She honestly admired the shirt on me, but could never see herself wearing it because of her own (much more toned) upper arms! There are many women who, to this day, will wear uncomfortable shirts when it is sweltering hot outside all because they cannot picture themselves revealing their arms in a sleeveless shirt or tank top. I should know.

I used to be one of them.

Recently, I was asked to be a featured performer at a Romance Cafe Party held here in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The party was a sensually-themed one, and everyone was dressed very erotically. I performed some of my "special" Spoken Word pieces that evening, and you can see my performance garb above. I received more compliments than you can imagine on my outfit, and I felt so sexy. I am a voluptuous size 22, thank you very much! I believe that a lot of those compliments are a result of the way I carried myself and how I felt when I walked into that building. I carried my head up high and my smile shone brightly.

Unfortunately, one of my closest friends was unable to make it. When I asked her why, it was because she had "nothing to wear". She revealed to me that she had found a suitable outfit, but before she walked out the door, her boyfriend laughed at her. He told her, "Those kind of clothes are for sexy women with sexy bodies!" She was so devastated that she broke down into tears and stayed home instead of coming out and having a great time.

This message goes out to all of those women who allow societies views on what "sexy" should be dictate to them what to wear, where to go, how to act, and how to feel about themselves: No one can make you feel un-sexy but you! If I looked in the mirror every day and put myself down for being overweight, or for my nose being to flat, or for every blemish I have on my skin, I would walk around with my head hanging low and my lip poked out. No one would want to talk to me, or listen to what I had to say. It would be a self-fulfilling prophecy, and it would start a vicious cycle of self-doubt.

Due to the confident way I strut my stuff, I get invitations to perform at events all over the nation. I have a lot of fun and exciting friends who are doing positive things for themselves and the community. I get out and about, and I don't let anyone stop me from LIVING OUT LOUD.

Sexy is internal - it just overflows to the outward appearance. The next time someone gives you a compliment, say, "Oh, why thank you!" instead of, "No, my hips are too big." or "Nahhh, my hair looks awful today." Being self-depricating isn't cute, it's sad. If you continue to refute the compliments, one day you will succeed in CONVINCING them that you are RIGHT! Be sexy in any weight class, and learn to love yourself. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise!

My Good and Faithful Servant - I am Disappointed by Naiomi Pitre

"You just don't get it, do You?" He smirked and sneered at me.

"I don't understand," I said, "What is it that you wanted me to be?"
Standing at the foot of the throne, seeing Jesus at God's right hand,
I was confused, mad, distraught - I've always done whatever I can
I gave to the poor, I went to church, faithfully every Sunday
I took communion, I prayed every night, I always watch whatever I say
I never listened to rap music, or other offerings from the world
I adamantly voiced my dismay when I would see a boy loving another boy or a girl loving another girl
I read my Bible religiously, and I scolded those who didn't
I watched people who were disobeying your Word, and I told them that they shouldn't
I served on the usher board, the choir, and I was church secretary
I saved myself and never even kissed until I was safely married
So how could it be, that He was looking at me, with such contempt in His Holy eyes
How could it be, that He was shaking his head at me, now that I have died?

"You just don't get it, silly girl." He laughed, shrugging his tremendous shoulders
"If only You'd been more adventurous, more daring, a little bolder -
If You'd taken what I've given You, and did what You should have
Maybe You would have a better report at the end of Your life, and You wouldn't feel so bad."

"What more could I have done?!" I cried out, "You expect too much!"

"Hush, You stupid little child, and REALLY try to listen to me for once.
I gave You opportunity to live, but instead You turned up Your nose
I wanted You to experience the world, but instead in the church doors You dove
I brought people to You, for You to love and care about
But as soon as You saw one flaw in their personality, Your mind filled with self-righteous doubt
I put a talent within You to write, but instead You kept it all inside
The beautiful, sensual words I gave You, You were ashamed and wanted to hide
I yearned for You to travel to great lands and learn about my people there
But because they didn't believe as You did, You decided that You'd be too scared
Wonderful things, I tried to show You, but Your holiness kept You away
You never challenged Yourself to think outside of the box, afraid that from Your religion You'd stray
Fear does not impress me, I'm not moved by Your blind obedience
You judged people, You hurt people, You were a stumbling block, and You DARED to use me as Your defense!
How dare You find the nerve to step to me now that Your life is done
Looking for Your crown of glory, Your mansion made for one
You think that You will find Your reward after You've disgraced me at every turn?
But have no fear, daughter dear, maybe during this next life You'll learn!"




* Author's note: When God speaks, He always capitalizes the "Y" in You. While You are so busy capitalizing His "G", He wants you to know the "Y".

Wanting More, Receiving Less

It's an epidemic - worse than the swine flu, mad cow disease, or even SARS. It's prevalent in all of America, whether you live in the poorest inner city or the richest zip code of California. This epidemic crosses all racial and cultural barriers.

Women all over the world are getting intimately involved with married men. Think about it. You either are a woman who has been with a married man at some point in your life, you know someone who has been one, or you're a man who is married and sleeping with a woman other than your wife right now!

There are many aspects of surviving an illicit affair, and you can read all about them in my new book, "He Loves Me More, Even Though He's Still Married to HER!" Notes to the Other Woman. For the purposes of this blog, I would like to address one - always wanting more but receiving less.

It's a funny thing - dating a married man. When you first begin flirting with a married man, you begin to demand more and more of his time. During the "honeymoon phase" of your relationship, you may even ask for time, money, vacations, jewelry - hell, most of the time you don't even have to ask. It's provided for you ad nauseum! Do you remember uttering the words, "Oh, you shouldn't have. You don't have to do all of this..." And what was his response? "I know I don't. I want to do this for you."

Once you've been with your stolen beau for a lengthier amount of time, the dynamics change. As you become more and more emotionally attached to this man, you begin trying to ask for more from him, but he will begin pulling further away. You see, what is happening is that you are beginning to think of him like a real boyfriend instead of a fun adventure. At the same time, he sees that you are turning this into a REAL relationship, instead of a fun adventure! He already has a real relationship - that's his wife. That was the reason he turned to you in the first place, to escape the real relationship in his life.

Therefore, as you are getting closer to him and wanting more, you are inevitably going to begin to turn him off. He will find ways to avoid you, and eventually, to get rid of you. You've become a liability instead of an asset. Not only did you forget what game you were playing, but you forgot your position, too. You don't have the right to want more from him. You agreed to this arrangement, and now you're renigging on the contract. As much as you want to hate him for it, it's you that is at fault.

If you want to to learn more about what is REALLY going on when you begin sleeping with a married man, be sure to get the book, "He Loves Me More, Even Though He's Married to HER!"